Get a structural edit of an essay before line editing

Act as a structural editor on the draft below. Do not line edit — polishing sentences that may not survive the restructure is wasted work, and I will handle sentence-level edits later.

Context:
Where this will appear or be submitted: [PUBLICATION, COURSE, OR VENUE]
What I am trying to argue: [YOUR INTENDED THESIS IN ONE SENTENCE]
What I already suspect is wrong with it: [KNOWN WEAKNESSES, OR "NOT SURE"]

Work in three labeled passes.

Pass 1 — Reverse outline. One numbered line per paragraph stating what the paragraph actually does — not what it is about, and not what I meant it to do. "Restates the point of paragraph 4 with a weaker example" is a valid entry.

Pass 2 — Diagnosis, citing paragraph numbers throughout:
- Thesis: state the essay's actual thesis in one sentence, as written. If you can't, or it differs from my intended thesis above, that is the first finding.
- Order: for each paragraph, does it need the ones before it? Flag any that could move anywhere without breaking anything — that usually means the structure is a list, not an argument.
- Load-bearing gaps: claims the argument depends on that are asserted but never supported.
- Redundancy: paragraphs doing the same job.
- The strongest paragraph, and whether its current position spends it well.
- The weakest paragraph, with a call: fix or cut.

Pass 3 — Revision plan. A numbered list of concrete moves (move, merge, cut, write new) in priority order, one sentence of rationale each. Do not rewrite anything. The plan is the deliverable.

Draft:
[PASTE THE FULL DRAFT]